#and i've been having a crisis for months
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Years of being confident in my identity and then some mangaka decided to slap a pair of boobies on a traumatised and tattooed doctor "for plot reasons" and suddenly I don't know who I am anymore
#i have a boyfriend#plainest most bland default setting#and i've been having a crisis for months#bc i'm gay AF#but i can't tell if i'm a lesbian or just not attracted to him#which is worse#fem law#trafalgar law#save me fem law#op#one piece#lgbtq#lesbianism#mangas have always been the source of my identity crisis idk why i'm surprised#first hanji now this#why#why am i like this
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me when fire themed boss🤤🤤
#elden ring#shadow of the erdtree#midra lord of the frenzied flame#creations of raptor#i've been having an artstyle crisis over the past few months but i think this piece fixed me#i love how this turned out so much#they could never make me hate u frenzied flame
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DUDE ANO BA IS ROSS 5'7 OR 5'9 'CAUSE 1. ROB & ZUBIN'S HEIGHT DIFFERENCE ISN'T THAT LARGE & ROB IS LIKE 6'2 2. Zubin's old bio says he's 5'11 but Joe is 5'11 and they have a noticeable height difference 3. Same goes for Andrew and Joe because Andrew's old bio says he's "5'10, give or take an inch"
LOOK HE'S EVEN LOOKING UP TRYING 2 LOOK TALLER :sob
#tally hall#I've been having a crisis over their heights for months now I swear#IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII SWEEAAARRRR /ref#ross federman#andrew horowitz#rob cantor#joe hawley#zubin sedghi#Don't mind the random switch from all caps 2 normal typing
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very sad still see the saria/silence divorce headcanon still going around
have you ever tried to consider that they never dated before lone trail because it would be unrealistic with the timeline and the events and also because it would be overshadowing the actual truth of why they couldn't get along
#i'll elaborate#firstly it's ok if you headcanon this i don't want to invalidate what people think#it's just that I think it's a fanon joke that have been going around for way too long#and I can't help but shed a small tear when I see people really headcanoning it#I personally think it's way more interesting if we consider that they never had something going on before Lone Trail#mostly because it's weird that they started dating in like some months when they barely knew or saw each other#but also because it adds nothing but just makes things even more harder for them#my personal headcanon is that Silence was maybe having feelings for Saria but like#you know these very premature feelings#like just “oh wow she's pretty and nice”#but nothing like really deep#but they never had anything going on before the diabolic crisis#and after lone trail after they made up and saw each other's true person#they start to actually get real feelings#I'm just complaining but I've been still seeing it around somehow and it's sad to me that this joke became a fact for many people#there's still a lot of fanfics about how they had been dating and now they're on bad terms#I think that going on the “they're exes” route is way too easy and actually hides the potential and interesting reason#of why Silence was mad at Saria#it's not because she hates Saria or blame her#it's because she's mad at herself for being so weak#really making them appear as exes just hides this really interesting truth and makes it all seem to be a sad love story#consider that they never had any of this and that this tension between them is because they blame themselves!!#their story is not a love story but above all a story about self love and acceptance#just my two cents enjoy my rambling i go back to bed now#(not putting this in the main tag I don't want to start a war I'm just rambling)
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I reallyyyy want to talk about how much fun it would be to jerk a really submissive Bucky off with a pair of soaked panties 🙈
I feel like submissive Bucky is so vocal too and I love that thought. He trusts you completely with his body and he's not ashamed to make as much noise as he wants to.
He knows what his little whines and moans do to you. You get off on his desperation and he absolutely knows it. You can't help but melt when he looks up at you from his knees, his eyes wide and expectant, whispering "please, mommy" when all he wants is permission to kiss from your ankle to your knee.
He's learned that being well mannered is the only way to get what he wants so you don't mind rewarding his good behaviour. His plump lips begin to trail eagerly from the ankle strap of your heel, up the side of your calf until he reaches the joint at your knee. Your fingers tangle in his hair, warning him not to go any further and the groan he elicits is heavenly.
"Please let me kiss you." He practically sounds like he's panting. Frustration has settled into his features, his eyes trained on the cherry red lace that shields your sex from his hungry gaze.
He knows you're already wet and he knows that if he's just able to kiss a little bit higher, your self control might waver enough that you'll allow him to lap up your arousal and that's really all he's dreaming of.
"You're so selfless, aren't you?" Your sarcasm isn't lost on him. He wants to taste you because he wants to taste you, not so much for your pleasure. "No, let's try something different."
You slip your panties down your legs but he's smart enough to know you aren't going to give him exactly what he wants.
You kneel down beside him, lining your hand with the slick lace before wrapping your fingers around his stiff cock that's been begging for attention for far too long now.
"O-oh my God." The first stroke of your hand makes him crumble. Despite being slick, the lace offers so much friction and he's far too sensitive for that.
Your hand pumps quickly, watching his face while he begins to slip. "Good boy, that's it. Take it. Fuck, you're so pretty, do you know that? You're doing so well for me."
" 's too much. Please. Don't stop." His head falls forwards onto your shoulder, groaning pathetically into the crook of your neck.
"Do you want to cum, sweetheart? Are you going to be a filthy slut and cum in my panties? Do you even realise how fucked up that is?" Your soft voice makes him melt up until your hand on his cock speeds up.
"Y-yes. Oh God yes, please let me cum." He didn't think it'd be this easy but when you give him permission, he knows to take the opportunity while he's getting it.
In just a few more minutes, his thighs are trembling as he shoots a thick load into the already saturated lace lining your hand. The release of each gush of his seed feels more euphoric than the last and he's whining pathetically, up until he's fucked himself empty into your fist.
"Good boy." You whisper, kissing his damp forehead while he catches his breath. "I'm so proud of you."
You unfold the lace, admiring just how much of his cum he's managed to splatter over just your underwear. "Now. I want you to put these on and wait in the bedroom."
#becca's thots#becca writes spice#sub!bucky#subby!bucky#I can't stop thinking about it#I was going to write a longer piece today#but then today became a chill day#bad week besties#my car wouldn't start yesterday morning#since the weather is better I've been walking more and now I never really drive my car#but dad jumped it for me and now it's fine#it also didn't work out with the house I was bidding on 😭#but it's fine#I just REALLY liked that one#I think I'm having an identity crisis rn#like new phase in my life#new job in less than a month#booked in with my optician for an eye test and inevitably new glasses#I'm booking in to change my hair again#and I put my favourite perfume on this past Thursday evening#I have always been obsessed with that perfume#I got it for starting my undergrad and I wore it almost every day#I save it now for special occasions bc I want to use the last of it for my masters graduation (bc I am a sentimental idiot)#but I put it on and I don't think I really like it?#I've been wearing the Tiffany and Co aftershave so much I think I don't want to smell like anything else#who even am I these days 😩
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there's a possibility the tsc series will take place over the course of the following school year, and i just came to the harrowing realisation that we might have to change allegiances of who we want to win in the next exy season. which. i'm having a crisis bc it'll be the fox girls final year so i want them to win but also it will be jean's first year as a trojan so i'll want them to win and neil will be vice captain so i want them to win but we'll be in jerejean's pov so i'll want them to win. and the foxes better win bc i've always been a fox stan but the trojans better win for the plot. this is an impossible scenario ugh
#how are we supposed to choooose#i've been a fox girlie this whole time so how am i supposed to just drop all that 😭😭#can't they just all hold hands and share the final trophy#bc there's no way that they won't both be in the finals#best and worst case scenario is that nora cuts off just before the end of the final match#and we all get to let our imaginations run wild and have fun in fanfic land#schrodinger's ncaa exy champion#nora why would you get us so invested in one team and then expect us to switch 😭#you couldn't ask an actual sports fan to drop their team like this#and i know it's a fictional team. and fictional players. and a fictional tournament. and a fictional sport. BUT#my emotional attachment to them is real okay sddfvhddk#OR maybe tsc just takes place over a few months in which case i'm having a crisis over nothing lol#rea.txt#aftg#all for the game#the foxhole court#tfc#the sunshine court#tsc#neil josten#jean moreau#jeremy knox#nora sakavic#andreil#jerejean#dan wilds#renee walker#allison reynolds
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If Ganondorf was lying to anyone during that Wind Waker speech, he’d be lying to himself. The gerudo desert was indeed harsh, and Hyrule sucked during his time, but legit everything he did in Ocarina of Time is completely unjustifiable, except for the murder of the King of Hyrule. The man sat in luxury for 7 years with monsters surrounding the land, while his people remained in the desert. Yet at the end of the day, he believed that he had every right to do all of that.
Self-justification isn’t a trait that’s outright noticeable with Ganondorf, but Wind Waker puts it out in the open and shows that yes, the self proclaimed “King of Evil” truly believes he’s deserving of the world, and that his circumstances justify his crimes.
I feel like the fandom misses that while Ganondorf may not be this complex 5d villain, he still carries an interesting amount of traits like this
Hey, thanks for the ask!! I'm sorry, I haven't slept in over 24h and felt particularly rhapsodic today so uhhhh sorrryyyyy for being cringe about my little guyyyyyy (and the approximate use of English language that might ensue)
So yeah, I think there's absolutely a huge part of that, trying to make sense of the violently absurd situation he found himself in, a monster and one of the last people who remembers Hyrule and how it was destroyed, and rationalizing to himself why it is not meaningless.
I have to say, not to be uhhh a parody of myself, but I think it could be a little bit more complicated than that (all of it being interpretations of the text that I don't think canon entirely backs always, but my point is that it could be read out of it).
If Ganondorf wanted any meaningful chance to reshape his own reality, then there's no doing that without access to the Triforce. If he had wanted to go for the King's head and nothing else, he would have been stopped immediately by everybody who do have access to shards of the keys to the Sacred Realm (not to mention how trigger happy Zelda was about wishing ????? something to the Triforce about erasing him in some form). I don't think it would have been reasonable to aim for anything but the Triforce as a military goal --not to mention that his beef is half with Hyrule, and half with the Goddesses themselves for considering the gerudos beneath them in some form and for some reason (which becomes even more apparent and deranged in Wind Waker, as part of why he can't let go of Hyrule in my opinion is because their intervention was so violent he simply cannot wrap his head around it and, as usual, Will Not Be Defeated >:((( because he's that kind of bitter little shithead, which I uhhhh relate to a little too much maybe). And then, well. You can't exactly ask for the Triforce and be nice about it, right?
I'm not saying he wasn't gleefully horrible about it the entire time, but I can absolutely see a case of him being self-centered enough to see each of his actions as the necessary (or righteous/vengeful) next step to get closer to his goals, and one thing leads to the other, and after seven years of strife, well, the kingdom you wanted to rule is a pile of rubble, ash and misery you enforced at every step, and oops! You have alienated absolutely everyone who aren't your weird moms!
There's a ton of things to say about the many interpretations that could be made of his relationship to the gerudos so I won't over-expand on that, but, uhhhh yeah he probably used them, or at the very least ruled them with an iron fist to enforce his own power he believed unquestionnable (even if the goal was genuinely to do things for their sake, which in my opinion could still be argued --Hyrule is a big nightmare place during his reign, but the Valley is the only location basically untouched with arguably Kakariko after all).
To be honest, I think TP Ganondorf is more accursed with a sense of self-justification than WW Ganon, who has a surprising amount of clarity on his own motives (to restate my tags on a post I just reblogged: I don't think "I coveted this wind, I suppose" is particularly self-pitying, it's soberingly self-aware if anything). TP Ganon is the one who's obsessed with divine purpose and considering himself a weird take on the Chosen One.
But yeah, I think... To be completely honest, I sometimes feel like Ganondorf's potential (!!! not actual execution, very important to draw this distinction) is just kind of too large for the IP that birthed him? The full breadth of his complexity cannot be explored in a setting that demands he merely generates a simple conflict that doesn't seriously question the status quo while everything about him inherently begs for it (and I love Zelda and its simplicity and what it does, to be very clear!). Like, I know this is just me justifying my own investment to a degree, but... his relationship to the gerudo culture, his relationship to gender, to divinity, to fate, to self-definition, to absolute resistance grinded down to the point of absurdity (but at the same time, what else is there to do)... like all of this absolutely has potential to be large and epic and breathtaking, but. Nintendo needs to preserve the statut quo. And Ganondorf just cannot express all of these themes without having this simple world literally collapse around him.
This is what I find incredibly compelling about this dramatic disaster of a guy. And the very media that suggested all of these contradictions and inner conflicts (without necessarily understanding them at first I think) is now fighting tooth and nail against what it introduced, what he can embody and once questioned (in WW most potently) for the sake of Hyrule's moral balance, backpedalling into a state of simplicity that just never truly existed to that degree before --partially, in my opinion, because this conflict is scary to face heads on without taking significant artistic risks I am not confident we will ever see again, to be uhh less than optimistic.
So yeah! He isn't that complicated as the villain of the children video games for sure!! But. As a character, there's so much there, just sitting right under the surface.
#asks#ganondorf#wind waker#ww#oot#ocarina of time#gerudos#thanks for the ask!! I'm genuinely sorry for my lyrical whatever#he doesn't deserve any of this he's a shithead#but#I've been having a six months long existential crisis about everything awful and everything incredible about this character#(it's been dormant for years but it did hit like a truck all at once)#so I kind of splattered my thoughts everywhere sorryyyy#and I didn't even mention the hyrulean civil war#the sheikahs#the gerudo tradition#the influence of koume and kotake#etc etc etc#bitches be like “no I don't defend ganondorf's actions!!” and then write poetics about tragedy and ambiguity and legitimacy#and talk shit about the goddesses#anyway that's me I'm bitches welcome to my blog#(descant and everything I write is exactly about what I just expressed above)#(but less sleep deprived and more Story)#((I'm publishing the next chapter soon btw I just need to adjust it but it's a difficult one))
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#How is it the end of pride month.#I haven't done anything I haven't celebrated I haven't been outside I haven't drawn anything special#I haven't really drawn anything#I wanted to do animated icon comms for artfight but that's not going to happen#I can't draw anything until I finish last year's commissions but I literally can't do it they don't look good#It's been too long and it causes me such genuine bodily anguish just thinking about how many people I've lied to#This is unprofessional but I've been so candid today for some reason#Ppl wanted to support me financially while I was struggling but I didn't even have the good sense to do their art like I was supposed to#Still struggling btw much much much poorer than ever can't afford food lucky I have a secret trick to help with that called not eating#Most commissioners didn't give me the money yet but the verbal agreement is still there in the æther#What is wrong with me today. I was trying to have a sober day but I think#I forgot how mean and weird and aggressive and overthinking and overwhelming my brain is :(#Anyway tho. I got admitted to a crisis center before I could finish those commissions.#And that was in December? I think I think I think it would be better for everyone to refund/cancel those? :( ?#I swear send me another message pretending it's a new commission and I will do it!! :)#My brain will think it is new and will be excited to start it :)#I'm so sorry everyone :(
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Okay, yeah, I'm not 100% settled on that because it just feels wrong, but I think I might quit Dadrius week for real and just. Not write the rest of the prompts.
I was thinking about how I was regretting not having written an angsty prompt for day 2 because I know people like angsty prompts more but the friends I consulted like the fluffy one more and I did want to write fluff so I was happy with that, but then the whole time I've been worried about not having enough angst in my prompts for people to want to really read my stuff and... idk, man. That's just off. I used to write things because I thought they were fun, not because I was agonizing over if people would read them or not, you know? Literally my first Dadrius fic was just me going "oh, my god, I want to write this so bad" and coincidentially it did get a lot of attention but at the time I was just SO excited about the idea and the composition the fic would have and that was literally it. I wasn't thinking about anything else, I was just having fun.
And I guess it's because in the past, when I wrote fics for this fandom, people did interact with me and I liked that, it was fun to talk to people about these things and whatever. And I don't get that anymore, which is fine, of course, I'm not entitled to anybody's time, but it's just not fun anymore. It feels like I'm just throwing empty words out there and it's so... boring. Like I don't know, maybe my writing just sucks, maybe it doesn't. My friends are very sweet and do seem to like it but you know, they do like me, so things I do they might see with sweeter eyes.
Idk, man. I just feel like I've been doing so many things for so long that haven't been for myself but for what it feels like it's expected of me and that's all. And it sucks even more because literally nobody expects this of me, I'm not fulfilling anybody's expectations, I'm just stressing myself out for nothing.
So idk. It might be good to just NOT.
#personal#sort of venty i guess#i'm just having a crisis of faith. don't mind me#idk i feel like i've been clinging to this. telling myself it's fine. but each time i just get kinda discouraged and idk#it's kinda doing more harm than good i guess. like it's making me not want to write anymore and i love writing#i think part of why i've had such a big writer's block has been that#i feel like that was why the only fics i could bring myself to write in all those months were for stuff like... the ahsoka show or rebels#literally who cares there. i knew if anything like 5 people would read it and that was fine. i wasn't hoping for anything#i was just having fun! which. btw. i reread my hera and ezra fic last night and ngl i cooked with that one
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#hhhhh I'll probably delete this later but if i don't physically put these thoughts somewhere I'll maybe explode.#but fuck man. shit sucks fr! I highkey think I can't go to work tomorrow but yknow how it goes!!!!#I'm caught somewhere between finally being taken seriously about my health issues#and having the most wretched mental health crisis#like on one hand fantastic! I'm being taken seriously now its gotten to the point where I cant fucking walk normally#but on the other hand oh my god holy shit. i had to get this bad???? and I'm worried. i know theres shit so much bigger than me rn going on#but I'm worried about my health. especially when I've been trying to deal with it for the better part of like.... 5 years#since i was 19!!!!#I'm 24 and worrying about whether or not I'll actually walk about with 0 pain ever again isn't that fucked.#so that's bittersweet. ive got physio tomorrow. blood tests next week#an ultrasound coming up#its ultimately a good thing im being taken seriously. if not a terrifying acceptance that everything ive been feeling has been real and#well. bad.#and like with this right is the crash of my mental health. just a fuckin nosedive man.#i have a relatively stressful job i felt out of my depth about and thus guilty for but now its a role that I've approached in constant pain#for the last few months.#i can't deal with that actually! lots of stress! lots of pain! lots of mental pain over my physical condition! my job grinding my soul!#aaaaa!!!!!!!#like i dont WANT to be unemployed either#I'd much rather be uhhhh employed! and able to save money towards actually getting Help™#but I've got to admit that i hurt too much. and its consuming my whole fucking brain.#but I'll go on#ive got my first trip out the country solo next week!! im heading to san Fransisco!!! im excited.#but I'm worried for the inevitable moment where my pains catch up with me#ill surpress it while I'm out there. try and remind myself to have a good time. return to the uk and feel a weeks worth of pain#and even THAT sucks to consider#but i should stop#rambles
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wouldn't it be nice if the author of the fics finished them. the author is me.
#vent#for the last 4 months my life has been in stupid crisis mode#like constantly#from major ones where i had to move out for a while because it was impossible to stay where i lived#to not being able to use my kitchen for over a week#and like other more or less minor house related stuff that made it impossible for me to use something normally#not a single week without something like that or shit at work which is constantly being so fucking chaotic#and now someone died in my family#not someone very close but i liked them#and of course like feeling sad that they are gone can't be the only thing#because it has to come with the headache of i need to travel for their funeral and it's just before easter#so there's no one in this city to leave my dog with#because most of my friends either live abroad or have cats or are busy before easter..#i'd just want a week where nothing happens#and like the writing is weighing heavy on me#because i miss it#also i wish i could finish something#i wish something good would happen that i could feel proud off#also because i'm mentally ill and fucking stupid when i was going crazy with my kitchen not working and work shit#i bought new furniture#because after 15 years i've finally had enough money to buy some that aren't fucking black and inconvenient and ugly#which is like a huge project and a crisis i brought onto myself#just because i was too burnt out to write#and i wanted something nice to happen to me#like a nice living space that doesn't make feel like i have no ownership over it because everything in it was some else's choice#and that old furniture was bought by my mother and my brother ages ago and it's handmedowns#and my fucking horrible mother feels personally slighted that i want to get rid of a bed that is broken#because my brother's kids jumped on it regularly when they used to visit pre covid#yeah it's been broken that long because i lost all my savings during covid and had to change careers to a souless pointless corpo job#long pathetic whine and overshare over
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i finished a big-ish project & am undergoing acute personal crisis which means it's time to spend the weekend drawing bucky barnes in cute outfits. as a treat
#i've been evicted and my mom's having mental health it's going so so good so i am lowkey homeless? highkey homeless? as of tomorrow?#we booked a motel for a week so we're ok for now but like oh my god. i found out this was happening THIS MORNING#love 2 be going from crisis to crisis with brief breaks for daredevil marathons i love that for me#anyway. might open up doodle commissions idk if anyone'd be into that this month is trying 2 kill me i think very cool really good#kayvswords
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#posting this because i need to rant#so i had this job interview yestersay morning (worst timing ever)#and it went well#and i've been looking for a job for the last 3 months and this is my first opportunity#but i really don't want to go there#as you can see in this picture the place is beautiful but it's literally in the middle of nowhere#and i'll be isolated geographically but also at the job since i'm the only one in charge no one is there to help#and the places i'll need to be are so far away and the roads are small and icy and i don't like that#and above anything else i didn't thought they'd pay me much so i didn't asked for a lot of money when really i should have because of#everything i said above#anyway i don't think i'm gonna take this job#but this might make me enter the depressing phase of job hunting#flo's gloubiboulga#having a life crisis in the middle of a politic crisis is a lot
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There’s nothing quite like getting a wedding invitation from the guy you used to have a crush on in high school
#Hmm. Feels awful!!#Me to me: Maybe. I'm not quite over this.#IDK IT FEELS WEIRD MAN. I'm very happy for him. But also kinda bummed at the same time.#I think I'm more just dreading showing up and being like aha yeah! Here I am!#I haven't changed at all since we last spoke! Not at all!!#Nothing new or exciting going on with me ever. No accomplishments. No partner I can brag about. NOTHIN#Hey anybody wanna show up as my fake date. Fake dating to lovers AU /j#Idk it just feels wrong to keep hearing from my friends in high school who are all getting married and having kids#Meanwhile me. Who has never dated anybody ever. And has nothing to show from the past five years:#SORRY I'M JUST HAVING A MID-LIFE CRISIS I GUESS. AT THE RIPE OLD AGE OF 26.#Me: I've been dealing with my anxiety and depression on the daily for years now and yeah that's it how are you#My friends: I got my dream job and I'm marrying the love of my life and I'm going to buy a house soon!!#I WANT TO CRAWL INTO A HOLE. AND DIE. YEAH. THAT SOUNDS GOOD#Sorry I need to sit here and feel pathetic and hate myself for a second. Then I'll get overe it#*over#Shima speaks#Maybe I can lie and say I've been backpacking through Europe for the last five months. LMAO
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i've officially quit my job at the board of student finance 😢
#END OF A FUCKING ERA#(like. two years later. but still)#GOD what have i DONE#i'm giving up the best workplace i've ever had for what?? the fucking COURT?????#(don't mind me i've been mulling this over for months i'm just having a bit of a crisis now that it's finally real)#slogging september#september september
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#this just in: moving to another continent to live and work with complete strangers for six months#incredibly distant from every important person in your life and your supportive community#is in fact. incredibly difficult.#like idk it's hard to describe because it's also been amazingly cool and i'm so thankful i get to do this#and like i can see God's hand in so many things that have happened and are happening#and He's providing what i need in such amazing ways#but also i'm exhausted and really really homesick#and i miss my people#and i miss going to chapel at school#and honestly just attending church in a language i understand#and rn i'm dealing with a crisis at least every day about what i'm going to do with the rest of my life#and long distance dating is really hard and need i reiterate i am exhausted and when i get tired and sad i self isolate. which is unhelpful#and generally i'm in that weird state of being where i genuinely have no clue how to persevere and i feel deeply deeply out of my depth#and also God is just. so present.#tbh i'm terrified that the rest of my life is just going to be Like This#and i'm also terrified that the rest of my life is not going to be Like This#because the last 5ish years have been Like This to varying degrees and i've learned and grown so much and i've come to know God so much mor#but i'm so tired.#and i'm tired of getting up every day and dealing with things that are scary.#but i'm scared of a life where i don't because i'm most scared of stagnating#anyway wow congrats if you made it this far into my venting#on the bright side yesterday i experienced one of the weirder (in a good way) social situations i've ever been in#walked into my language learning partner's mother-in-law's house (who i'd never met before) at 10pm and was instantly given two plates#of beautiful homemade (culturally appropriate dumplings) and a cup of tea#and proceeded to stay for 40min listening to a conversation where i understood about 3 words out of every 50#couldn't have experiences like that if i stayed in my comfort zone could i
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